Falling In Love (Part 1)

I have commitment issues. With running.

As a kid, I was never enamored with running. I ran only when playing games, being chased by a stray dog, or escaping the wrath of a neighbor whose fruit tree I raided. As an adult, I have been a fair-weather friend to running. Running is my special friend only when I need to lose weight. We would go on dates at the gym or on the road. That was all the commitment I could give. It was conditional love - the depth and length of which depended on pounds lost and time it took to lose and regain them. She was there for me when I needed her. Always. I have lost pounds and won bets because of her.

I am now in my third cycle of weight loss. Running remains a reliable partner who helped we win my latest bet. With her I reach familiar heights of endorphin-induced euphoria. She calmed me down and made me feel and look better. Then one day I began to demand more: I lusted after speed. I spent more time with her expecting I can run faster. In the blog world where everyone brandish their personal records, I was a crazed lover risking health and limb for a shot at greatness. Two weeks of this madness and my faithful partner that is running deserted me. She loved me that much to know when to hold back and throw the towel at me. We broke up. She kept her distance. She needs to know if I love her as she loves me unconditionally. I need to know if I really love her, why I love her.