Signs & Surrender

Signs

I woke up Monday (Feb 23) morning and immediately checked my left leg and foot. Just the previous morning I joined the Ateneo Aquathlon where I struggled with the 5K run. While still lying down, I pressed my fingers against my heel and lower leg muscles. Except for a pea-sized, slight pain in my heel, my leg seemed okay. Days before the doctor said all I had was muscle pain. I was therefore shocked when I had difficulty putting weight on my left leg as I tried to stand. I was not in significant pain but I was definitely limping.

Tuesday came but the limp was still there. I just needed time to recover I said. The limping should be gone by Wednesday. If not, definitely by Thursday. Thursday came but I was still limping.

-o-

It was also Tuesday morning when I got an unexpected text from a pomeranian club officer and friend. My friend was checking on me and my poms, and wondering why I have not been active in the dog forum and shows. Even other breed newbies supposedly missed my posts. I told my friend I was simply busy with sports, but I promised to post pictures of the puppies I managed to breed. I honored my promise that night.

-o-

It was Thursday night when I received another unexpected text. A friend is in the city and another is celebrating her birthday. A get-together was scheduled for Friday, my Nike Running Clinic day. Looking at my limping foot, I said yes to my inquiring friend.

Surrender

The past week has been about surrender. On Ash Wednesday, the office was abuzz with banter about the sacrifices people intend to do for Lent. For others, it was coffee, pork, sweets, etc that they intend to avoid. My sacrifice has been divinely imposed on the stubborn me: I cannot run and will not run until every little pain in my leg is gone. I cannot even bike as I have a tendency to mash the pedal. The sacrifice entailed complete rest. The most I can do physically are flutter or dolphin kicks.

I realize I have been stubborn again - in seeking and imposing my personal will. Well, I have always been strong-willed. My blog is entitled "By Sheer Will" for Christ's sake! Indeed by sheer will I drove my leg to give up on me. The limp was the only way to stop me. With little aches here and there in the past I simply negotiated and bargained my way out of rest and recovery.

Well now I am surrendering. Again. While I still value free will, my life has taught me that the best things I had were not those I willed myself to get, but those given to me by divine "accident". And so I would go with the flow. Surprise me again, O Lord. While I give my legs the rest they deserve, I am enjoying the company of friends - the human and canine kinds. I hope part of the divine plan is me running the Condura half marathon within 2 hrs! Now that will be a heavenly surprise! Haha!